Lv99-Blackmage on deviantART

_{hey there it's been a while since i made a journal or done much of anything recently xp been either busy or just bleh. I apologies for no pics lately i actually have some in mid inking or coloring but i just start and then i just sorta stop. i've been reading alot lately which is ok I just feel pretty stagnant or dead or hollowed out whatever you prefer calling it, and i don't really see a change soon which sucks true and my sleeping scheduled is REEEEAALL screwed up and today this pollen has reeked havoc on my sinus's. besides all that i've been frustrated with only a tiny handful of my whats supposed to be active watchers actually taking interest in some of my personal stuff but now now i'm not giving up it's just discouraging to be truthful and can really sap you of will. so i'll say it FUCK your fetishes. seriously. i love being open and blunt <3 and you know I haven't been talking to almost anyone for quite a while now and it is for a reason. the people i wanna talk to either never reply,talk in very very short sentences,forget about our conversation at some point,or they only talk on their time thats convenient for them :I how double standard is that? yes yes i admit i ignore people and people who really want to talk to me and i apologies but do you really want to talk to me like this? e_e I mean really? I don't like talk to most people when i'm all emo lol I tend to make myself mad then depressed and it only gets worse. and besides that some people intentionally and unintentionally make it worse. <xp sorreh. not to mention i'll tell you that home life has become more and more lonely and annoying. i don't have alot of will xD i'm like.. I should ge t up before it gets to late.. and then i lay there because I think. Why? why should i get up I'm not doing it for anyone. because you see i have to feel like i'm doing something for someone else alot but for me to feel that i have to have someone out there whom i feel does alot for me. the only person that deserves that compliment is my grandmother because she's better than all ya'lls and that's right I said YA'LLS. lol any who I'm not trying to get a pitty party al though even to me it kinda sounds like it but honestly i wanted to say sorry about being almost dead here and explain a little why. *huff* i'm actually trying my damn-dest to get myself going again and have been for a while.

on a side note I have been studying up on the universe and different theories and almost none of you would get it and veen less would care so I'm kinda starved for some like minded conversations of intelligence with someone would like talking about their stories characters and science <xp so ya know unless you have a combination of those things ~.. Buh Bye~}